Why Following God’s Standards in Singleness Sets You Up for a Joyful Life

There’s a quiet pressure that Christian singles feel, even when nobody says it out loud.

It’s the pressure to “figure it out.”

To “fix it.”

To “hurry up and get married.”

To treat singleness like a waiting room—where real life starts later.

And if we’re honest, a lot of the advice floating around is basically this: Do whatever it takes to stop being single.

Lower your standards.

Date like the world dates—just with a Christian label.

Make decisions from loneliness, not lordship.

Use people to fill a gap that only God can fill.

But here’s my point of view:

Following God’s Standards In Singleness Is Not God Holding You Back. It’s God Setting You Up.

Setting you up for a joyful life—now, not “one day.”

Setting you up for peace that isn’t controlled by a relationship status.

Setting you up for relationships that are healthy, mutual, and honoring—not cycles of confusion and heartbreak.

Setting you up to walk in purpose instead of panic.

Because the truth is: singleness is not a mistake.

It’s a season with a system. God’s system. And if you learn how His system works, you stop treating singleness like a curse—and you start living it like a calling.

God’s Standards Don’t Shrink Your Joy. They Protect Your Joy.

When most people hear “God’s standards,” they hear “rules.”

Restrictions.
No fun.
No freedom.

But God’s standards are not random. They are relational.

God’s standards are like guardrails on a mountain road. The guardrails don’t exist to ruin your drive. They exist to keep you from driving off a cliff.

So, when God says things like:

• Guard your heart,
• Flee sexual immorality,
• Don’t be unequally yoked,
• Renew your mind,
• Submit your desires to Him,

He’s not being harsh. He’s being loving.

Because He knows what happens when you build your love life on the world’s blueprint:

• You start excusing what you used to discern.
• You start calling red flags “growth opportunities.”
• You start negotiating with conviction.
• You start confusing attention with affection.
• You start mistaking chemistry for covenant.

And then you end up doing what so many singles are tired of doing: going in and out of relationships and getting hurt every time.

God’s standards protect you from the “almost relationship,” the “situationship,” the emotional roller coaster, and the slow leak of self-respect that happens when you keep giving boyfriend and girlfriend benefits to someone who won’t commit.

God’s Standards Rebuild Your Identity Before You Build A Relationship.

Here’s one of the biggest reasons God’s standards in singleness lead to joy:

They force you to anchor your identity in God, not in romance.

Because if you don’t learn who you are before you attach yourself to someone, you will use dating to answer questions it was never designed to answer:

• “Am I lovable?”
• “Am I chosen?”
• “Am I enough?”
• “Do I matter?”

And if a relationship becomes your identity source, it will also become your emotional god. Which means your peace rises and falls based on texts, attention, affection, and reassurance.

That’s not love. That’s bondage.

God’s standards call you back to a better foundation:

You are already loved.
You are already chosen.
You already matter.
You are already complete in Christ.

So now, you’re not dating to get value. You’re already valued.
You’re not looking for someone to save you. You’re looking for someone who reflects your intimate relationship with God.

That shift alone produces joy—because your joy is no longer fragile.

God’s Standards Train Your Discernment.

A lot of singles don’t actually need “more options.” They need better discernment.

God’s standards sharpen your ability to tell the difference between:

• Someone who is interested in you vs. someone who is submitted to Jesus,
• Someone who says “I love God” vs. someone who lives like Jesus is Lord,
• Charm vs. character,
• Potential vs. patterns,
• A person who is emotionally available vs. a person who is emotionally entertaining.

And let’s be real: discernment isn’t just about spotting “bad people.” It’s also about recognizing what’s not God’s best for you, even if it looks good on paper.

God’s standards teach you to stop asking only, “Do I like them?”
And start asking, “Does this align with God’s will and God’s ways?”

Because attraction can be loud.
Loneliness can be persuasive.
But the Holy Spirit is faithful.

And when you learn to study Scripture for yourself—when you actually look at the culture, the language, the context, and what God is saying—you stop being led by vibes and start being led by truth.

That’s one of the distinctives of S.A.L.T.: we don’t just give you cute quotes about singleness. We walk you into biblical understanding—so you can hear God clearly, recognize His patterns, and live with wisdom.

God’s Standards Heal Your Relationship Patterns.

This is where joy becomes very practical.

If you’ve ever said:

• “Why do I keep attracting the same type of person?”
• “Why do I keep ending up hurt?”
• “Why do I keep settling?”
• “Why do I keep ignoring what I know is wrong?”

It’s usually not because you don’t love God. It’s because something deeper is still driving you—unhealed wounds, unmet needs, or a shaky understanding of what real love looks like.

God’s standards in singleness aren’t just about behavior. They’re about transformation.

They confront:

• People-pleasing,
• Fear of being alone,
• The need for validation,
• Counterfeit intimacy,
• And soul ties that keep you stuck emotionally.

God’s standards don’t shame you—they sanctify you. And joy grows when your life stops revolving around chasing love and starts revolving around becoming whole.

God’s Standards Prepare You For Marriage Without Idolizing Marriage.

This one matters, because Christian culture can unintentionally idolize marriage.

Marriage is a gift.

But it’s not God.

And it’s not the finish line of your faith.

When you follow God’s standards in singleness, you learn something powerful:

You can live a full, joyful life with Jesus right now.

Not later.

Not “after the ring.”

Not “once someone chooses me.”

And that mindset prepares you for marriage in a healthier way than desperation ever could.

Because a desperate single becomes a pressured spouse. A lonely single becomes a demanding spouse. An insecure single becomes a jealous spouse. A disconnected single becomes a spouse who expects their partner to be their savior.

But when you are rooted in God, you can enter marriage with realistic expectations, emotional maturity, and spiritual stability.

And John and Dawn White (the Founders of S.A.L.T.) are living proof that biblical principles learned in singleness can become a lifestyle that blesses your marriage decades later.

That’s not theory. That’s fruit.

The Real Secret: Joy Comes From Relationship Alignment—Starting With The Trinity.

Here’s the foundation under everything we teach:

If you don’t understand who you are in your relationship with the Trinity—God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit—your idea of “relationship” will always be incomplete.

Because human relationships were never meant to define you. They were meant to flow from a defined person. And you cannot fully understand yourself apart from the God whose image you were created in.

That’s why so many people keep repeating the same cycles:

•    They want “a meaningful relationship,” but they’ve never learned how to build meaning with God first.

•     They want intimacy, but they don’t know communion with the Holy Spirit.

•     They want to be loved well, but they haven’t received the Father’s love deeply.

•     They want a stable partner, but they aren’t stable in their identity in Christ.

So yes—God’s standards in singleness lead to joy. Not because you become perfect. But because you become aligned.

Aligned with truth.
Aligned with purpose.
Aligned with peace.
Aligned with God.

And when alignment becomes your lifestyle, joy becomes your environment.