Why Pursuing God First Makes You a Better Partner (if Marriage Comes)

In today’s world, we are bombarded with advice on how to “find the one,” “prepare for marriage,” or “be the kind of person someone wants to marry.” Yet much of this advice is rooted in personal opinion, worldly philosophies, or quick fixes that promise fulfillment but leave us empty.

At Singles Applying The Lord’s Truth (S.A.L.T.), we believe God’s Word provides a deeper, richer, and far more transformative perspective.

Our conviction is simple: pursuing God first—truly seeking Him, His kingdom, and His righteousness—shapes you into a better partner if marriage comes. And if it doesn’t, it anchors your life in the greatest relationship you could ever have: intimacy with Jesus Christ.

This isn’t just a nice slogan; it’s a biblical reality. Let’s unpack why.

1. Pursuing God First Gives You Identity Before Intimacy

Many singles struggle with questions like, “Am I enough?” “Why am I still single?” or “Do I have value without a spouse?” When we measure ourselves by cultural standards, dating apps, or the pressure of friends and family, we can easily begin to believe that marriage is the ultimate stamp of worth.

But Scripture tells us something different. Colossians 2:10 declares, “You are complete in Christ.” That means your identity and wholeness are not waiting for a husband or wife to complete you. They are already secured in Christ.

When you pursue God first, you stop looking at marriage as a solution to your insecurity. Instead, you become someone grounded, confident, and whole. And that wholeness makes you a far healthier partner if God leads you into marriage.

2. Pursuing God First Teaches You Real Love

We often think of love in terms of feelings, attraction, or chemistry. But God redefines love as something deeper: sacrificial, patient, kind, and enduring (1 Corinthians 13:4–7).

The truth is, you can’t give what you haven’t received. If you haven’t allowed God’s love to fill and transform you, your version of love will be shallow at best, selfish at worst. By pursuing God, you encounter the fullness of His love for you—a love that is unconditional, forgiving, and faithful.

As you experience this divine love, you begin to reflect it. You learn how to forgive instead of holding grudges, how to serve instead of demanding, and how to remain faithful instead of wavering. These qualities aren’t just “good for marriage”—they’re essential for any Christ-centered partnership.

3. Pursuing God First Cultivates Purpose Before Partnership

One of the greatest misconceptions is that your purpose begins when you meet your spouse. But that isn’t true. In Genesis, Adam received his assignment before Eve arrived. God placed him in the garden to work it and keep it, to walk in relationship with Him, and to live out divine purpose. Only then did God say, “It is not good for man to be alone.”

This pattern matters. When you pursue God, He reveals your calling, your gifts, and your unique place in His kingdom. You begin to walk in purpose today—not waiting for a future partner to validate or activate it. And here’s the beauty:

When purpose-filled people come together in marriage, they don’t drag each other down—they multiply each other’s impact.

So, instead of waiting for marriage to “get started,” pursuing God allows you to live fully now, whether single for a season or a lifetime.

4. Pursuing God First Builds Spiritual Discernment

Every Christian single knows the risk of choosing poorly in relationships. The world tells us to follow our heart, but Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us, “The heart is deceitful above all things.” Feelings alone are not reliable guides.

When you pursue God, you sharpen your spiritual discernment. You learn to recognize His voice, to test what aligns with His Word, and to see people through the lens of truth rather than infatuation.

This discernment is vital for choosing a godly partner—and equally vital for avoiding relationships that would lead you away from God’s plan.

By seeking Him first, you position yourself to hear Him clearly when making life-altering decisions like marriage.

5. Pursuing God First Ensures Marriage Isn’t an Idol

Let’s be honest: in many Christian communities, marriage is idolized. Singles can feel pressured to see marriage as the ultimate prize, as though life hasn’t truly begun until you say, “I do.”

But when marriage becomes an idol, it steals worship that belongs to God alone.

Pursuing God first keeps your heart in proper order. It reminds you that marriage is a gift, not a god. Spouses are blessings, not saviors. And if you do enter marriage, this perspective keeps you from placing impossible expectations on your partner—expectations only God can fulfill.

Healthy marriages are built when two people come together not to complete one another, but to glorify God together. And that only happens when God is first.

6. Pursuing God First Prepares You for Any Outcome

Here’s a sobering but freeing truth: not every single person will get married. Some will walk with Christ in lifelong singleness. But that isn’t a loss—it’s a calling, a purpose-filled journey that Scripture affirms (1 Corinthians 7).

When you pursue God first, you’re not consumed with whether marriage will happen. Instead, you’re focused on walking faithfully, joyfully, and purposefully in the path God has for you.

If marriage comes, you’re ready. If it doesn’t, you’re still fulfilled, fruitful, and complete in Him.

That kind of peace and surrender is far more attractive than desperation. It frees you to live fully, without anxiety about tomorrow.

Conclusion: Pursue God First

At S.A.L.T., we believe the single life isn’t a waiting room for marriage. It is a season of discovery, purpose, and intimacy with God. Pursuing Him first transforms not only who you are but also how you approach every relationship in your life.

And if marriage comes? You’ll be a partner who brings wholeness, discernment, purpose, and godly love into the union. But if it doesn’t, you’ll still walk in freedom, joy, and kingdom purpose.